Mandy Moore says she was both ‘sad’ and ‘lonely’ during marriage in the second installment of her expose about ex-husband Ryan Adams.
Moore appeared on Marc Maron’s podcast WTF to talk about her career and relationships. Her podcast was apparently recorded before her Times piece came out regarding her volatile marriage with ex Ryan Adams.
Moore and Adams got married in 2008. They finalized their divorce in 2016. The This Is Us actress has previously said she felt like she was “being the mother” in her relationship with Adams. She said, “I was living my life for him” adding that it was “an entirely unhealthy dynamic”. She said, “I had no sense of self. I was imperceptible, I was so small in my own world.”
Moore said during the interview that her decision to marry Adams had been spurred by her mother leaving her husband for another woman. Moore said she felt her marriage would make her “feel worth” and “feel like I had value if I could be there for somebody else and serve their needs.”
She also said she felt “co-dependent” in her relationship with the musician, explaining that it led to a “cacophony of madness”. She added, “I felt like I was drowning. It was so untenable and unsustainable and it was so lonely. I was so sad. I was so lonely with him. I knew that this wasn’t the rest of my life. I knew that this wasn’t the person I was supposed to be with, I knew that I wasn’t the person I was meant to be.”
She also detailed how her career stalled during their marriage, adding that she did continue to make music despite the relationship. She revealed, “His controlling behavior essentially did block my ability to make new connections in the industry during a very pivotal and potentially lucrative time—my entire mid-to-late 20s.”
Moore also detailed how music was Adams’ “point of control” over her. While writing her article for the Times, she said, “He would always tell me, ‘You’re not a real musician, because you don’t play an instrument.'”
She told Maron, “I would do little jobs. It’s not like I completely stopped working. I would do things here or there, but it would become abundantly clear while I was working, things would completely fall apart at home,” adding, “I couldn’t do my job because there was a constant stream of trying to pay attention to this person who needed me and wouldn’t let me do anything else.”
Moore added, “When I think back to that particular time period that we’re talking about…It was heavy. It was dark. It was confusing. It was lonely. There was no room for me. There was no room for me to have anything else in my life.”
Adams addressed both Moore’s accusations and the stories many other women came out subsequently. He said, “I am not a perfect man and I have made many mistakes. To anyone I have ever hurt, however unintentionally, I apologize deeply and unreservedly.”
In another tweet, he said, “As someone who has always tried to spread joy through my music and my life, hearing that some people believe I caused them pain saddens me greatly. I am resolved to work to be the best man I can be. And I wish everyone compassion, understanding, and healing.”
Neither Adams nor Moore directly addressed each other in regards to these allegations.